I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
