We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He shit in the fireplace
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
