I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
