I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
