do herpes really smell.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Of course I have a pirate flag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
