Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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