He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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