marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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