There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
