Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
