I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
