i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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