if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
