i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
