we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
