My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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