ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
