So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We left an ass print on the piano.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
