dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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