I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
