I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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