made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
