i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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