are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
