She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
