Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
