Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
