physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
