so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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