Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
love makes seman taste better
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
