I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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