..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
