so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
