how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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