Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
bring money and cleavage
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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