someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
