escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
