well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
