Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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