you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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