never play flip cup with pint glasses
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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