too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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