His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
