these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
