u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
