please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
