I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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