he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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