it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
