I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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