So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
